I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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