i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
