I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
