woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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