how can u be prego again
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
