Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
