Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
