in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
