hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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