you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
