i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
