she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
