it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
