I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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