hotel room ftw
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
