I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There r osticjed everywhere
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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