Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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