If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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