Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
