Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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