Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize