just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
