I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
