I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
someone owes me an orgasm
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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