I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
