He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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