i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
