I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
