the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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