sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
