I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
