I feel great
I just peed on a car
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
is it fun? or sober?
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