Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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