i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
