You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
