tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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