As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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