Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
