Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
