I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
