I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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