Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
