i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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