All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
