Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
