it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
