Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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