the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
