I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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