Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
