Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
