haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
