Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
