don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
