Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
