using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize