she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
