things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
