Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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