Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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