Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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