last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
