He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
