why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You pole danced in your parka.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
