We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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