Barsexuality is the new black.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
