Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize