I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mom said you looked used
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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